| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2006|09:36 pm] |
up.
down.
up.
down.
up.
downslide. bounce? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2005|09:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gotta pee | ] |
livejournal....we meet again....
its been a while, not sure whether i'll continue to write, im sure the coming semester will bring adequate angst and selfpity.
until then, enjoy this
You are a Theory Slut. The true elite of the
postmodernists, you collect avant-garde
Indonesian hiphop compilations and eat journal
articles for breakfast. You positively live
for theory. It really doesn't matter what
kind, as long as the words are big and the
paragraph breaks few and far between.
What kind of postmodernist are you!?
brought to you by Quizilla
ooh, when i took this two years ago, i got gender nazi, ive gone soft |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2005|10:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  quixotic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | latter half of "i am sam", didnt know it existed | ] |
disregard the last post! its a lie, its all lies. i didnt go to bed. no sleep for jen. didnt go to bed til 4:30. meh. i have been marvelously unproductive in the past few days, except in discovering that playing ages of empires while listening to "the battle of hoth" is an unparalleled nerdy indulgence. try it, you shall not know work again. tried to read earlier to today but completely spaced. ive pretty much packed up everything but food/cooking gear and clothes. all i need, right, to be fed and clothed. in retrospect, ive had a whole spat of weird random conversations, ranging from the evolutionary neccessity of pubes to the hilarious yet kinda frightening phenomenon that is fanfiction. yeah college. cream of the crop, we are. well time for me shut the hell up and continue to feign productivity......or crush the teutons! im out |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2005|01:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | star wars episode V, megan says im pregaming musicwise | ] |
so much trouble going to sleep lately, last night was the first time in five days i could do so without motrin, thats never a good sign. got up at 10:00 today, thinking i had a review session, but found the classroom locked, which sucks, not only my being unnecessarily conscious, but i need to meet my research partners. none have emailed me back yet. what a suprise. finished the gender work and space paper with megan, it feels so weird not to write last minute. im sure i can compensate with my psych paper. got a burst of energy after eating half a pint of ben & jerry's packed up everything in my room. now it is bland and i am sad. hopefully ive exerted enough energy to pass out. only one way to see.....good night |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 27th, 2005|11:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | thelonious, as in monk | ] |
whos the laziest son of a bitch ever? i do believe i claim the title. slept for about 10 hours, then decided getting up was a bit too strenuous, so watched some tv for a while. ive decided since im not taking the last quiz in methods, i dont really see the need to go to discussion. free day for jen. huzzah! but not without its obligations. still have psych papers to read, a schizophrenia paper to write for tomorrow, and academic spree day stuff. why the hell must they have a such a misleading name for what is basically a science project fair. just a really smart one. as for now, im just kicking around with some good jazz and delving into my emergency supply of rations, the nature valley granola bars. theyre nothing too spectacular, but when you havent eaten in 20 hours and youve spent all your cash on action figures, they are the most goddamn delicious you will ever eat. i have to decide whether to spend my last five dollars on food or soap...good thing im at clark, i think i can get away with choosing the former. im out |
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| feels like fucking episode of 'felicity' or some shit, just minus romance/sexual tension |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|09:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the english beat | ] |
whoa, what a stereotypically collegiate/liberal artsy sort of day. woke up at 11:00, conversations about the merits of 'family guy' and other pop culture minutia over lunch, listened to people spout off pretentious bullshit in class, bought some incense and cards that have no real religous significance to me from the local pagan supply store, and culminated in an informed debate over queer identity politics over iced chais in a coffeehouse. yeah, cough. however, like cheesy idyllic images of college life, theres one important piece missing: work. well that and some weak pot and casual sex. yeah didnt really accomoplish to much today, but i did enjoy the pagan store. lots of cool stuff (great feather quills, good thing i didnt have money to waste) in a cool house in the middle main south worcester. the lady who runs is the kind of person who white bread people want to keep their kids away from. in actuality, shes quite cool, talked about cats a bit and bought some artsy/celtic cards for my mum and aunt sue. and some small little ring boxes from a vendor. ive really got to overcompensate for my mums birthday this year, see as i completely forgot last year. yeah, im awesome. man, this semester is so close to the end. its exciting and a little terrifying at the same time. still the end of this semester is a little better than most. at least child development will be over forever on friday, true, over with a C, but over. fuckers. well im gonna skim these psych articles and regurgitate a bullshit lit review while i wait for my laundry to dry. good times. im out |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2005|02:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | mercurial | ] |
| [ | music |
| | circus of dead squirrels (whee! it pisses off my roomates) | ] |
mood swings, mood swings tra la la la.....
raging at the current moment, chirst im so pissed off, stressed out, blowing up. so much shit i have to this week and so many people are acting like whiny little brats. either let me do my work or stop wasting my time, punkasses. i have so much energy right now, i just want to tear the shit out something.
but i know five minutes from now itll be gone, and ill be completely despondent. such a weird feeling in my arm, im not quite if im wired or completely fatigued. whatever.
paul bremer, a first class asshole from the bush administation is speaking here tonight, courtesy of our beloved student body president. its like a lovely kiss me ass, i hate the opinion of the rest of the sutdy body. superb. spree day tomorrow, theyre craking down to a ridiculous extent, oh well, maybe itll and make it easier for me to do work. the thing im looking forward to most is most people pass out and then theres bagels and ddr for the rest of us. well off to work on gender work and space. i cant wait for this semester to be over with. abnormal psych is the only class i dont currently hate with a passion |
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| bloody touchpad! |
[Apr. 15th, 2005|11:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | velvet underground - who loves the sun? | ] |
fuck, i hate touchpads, how is that trying to move the cursor is interpreted as go back to the last web page. something about being unable to command my computer sends me into this incredible feeling of rage and impotence(grow up) control issues? finished reading "the beast" so maybe i can stop feeling depressed and overanalyzing everything i do or feel. now ive just have to finish "the quiet room" and "unquiet mind" and "the unquiet quiet".
child development quiz, probably another c. who fucking cares anymore. i was just counting the minutes til i could flee. once, again my cad didnt show up, had to call three times, then got to bus station to find they for some reason they decidely to change the bus schedule and not alter the web listings. super. thankfully, the driver waited up for stragglers and i got back ok. sitting on the bus, i stopped reading for a while and stared blankly at the passing trees. people generally think im thinking some deep pensive thoughts, but in truth, its nothing. sweet beautiful nothing, just mindless sensory intake. today, however, i was considering the trees. its weird, i cant even fathom how they will look with leaves, and im sure some summer i the thought of base gray trees will seem unimaginable. whatever the present reality is, its becomes the only reality for me. no nostalgia, no optimism. i feel completely unaffected. theres no direction, no plot, no episodes, people move in and out my life, conditions change, and theres always the same feeling. just "hey whatever". i dont know, thought it was weird. should i be putting more thought in to my life
whatever. shitty headaches for most of the day. going to bed early like a cool kid so i get up early, to talk my minister, and probably volunteer with boy scouts. ewwww, wholesome..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2005|02:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | galvanizedantielitisthostility | ] |
| [ | music |
| | new pornographers | ] |
*edit 5/03- wow looking back on these entries, this is one the angriest rants ive been on in a god long while. i think its pretty damn funny, but thats my opinion....
skipping my gender work and space class to do research for the selfsame class. oh yeah, good times. i could be studying for tommorrow's child development quiz while i wait, but meh. i think ive resigned myself to the c i will be receiving. fuck.
whoa, lunch today was surreal. went to eat with hila, she joined these first years i vaguely know. the. most. pretentious. asswipes i have met in a good long while. stylish girls and even more stylish boys talking critiquing the new york times and glorifying the advocate. not that i give a damn about newpapers, but what the fuck, you act like a pretentious socially conscious prick and consider a lifestyle weekly your prime source of news. these kids, yeah, children, went on to talk about their halo teams with the passion and indignation they no doubt use when discussing, who the fuck knows, the deplorable conditions of some sri lankan wage slave whose product you buy anyway, fashionista little shit. then they complained about how martha stewart is so damn stuck up when she shops if their fathers' greenwich antique shops. they seem to be waiting for my assent, sorry, my dad's the guy who fixes the water heater in your overpriced goddmanquiche-eating boutiques. and we'll pull donuts on the lawn of your fucking million dollar westport lawn. fuckers. of course, that part just took place in my head, instead i spent the entirely meal in baffled slighlty amused/slighty disgusted silence. i really did just consider getting up and walking over to sit the some of the nerdy guys i want to know. im sure theyre way cooler about their halo tournies. im out |
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| rebound |
[Apr. 13th, 2005|04:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  venomous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | red hot chili peppers | ] |
feeling a bit better today. ive got all my classes, and just found out that juli and margo, along with some other nice people, will leaving down the hall from us. itll be sorta like living in wright again, minus the soul crushing roommates and vomit stains in the hallway. i was so happy, i couldnt even think of any caustic or sarcastic. scary, really. in fact, ive to chipper all morning, tabling in the uc, it felt so artificial, but i surprised how much i could actually manage the semblance of amiability if need be. but fear not, the jocks still ignored more. still, i was all smiles and politeness, it felt so forced of out of character, ive compensated by being a complete bitch to the people i know. basically, i dont particularly feel like respecting anyone's opinion or censuring myself at the moment. its weird, i know im being an ass, but i dont seem to care. so ive holed myself in the room before i do anymore damage. got to write a short gender work and space paper anyway. im so swamped for the rest of the semester, ill probably use most of spree day to do work. i mean, i love get sunburnt and hung over by 4. let people party themselves out by 6. but when the sun goes down, oh then its nerd time, oh the bagels and ddr....well at least thats something to look forward to. but ill bust my ass to make may 10th come all the faster. star wars III, hp 6, no cafe food, yeah im ready. |
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| i really should NOT study pyschology... |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|04:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | iron & wine- such great heights | ] |
feeling rather depressed today. hard to say whether its actually my mood or just a result of reading all these damn books for abnormal pysch. either way, i sort just want to crawl under my bed. after all, that is where i store my nutella... another c in child development, its like watching my scholarship melting away slowly, but what can i do, you can only study so fucking much for a completely specific quiz covering hundreds of pages of text. still have no idea how im going to get to graften for an interview,get all of my work done for this week, or pull of an A+ for my next development paper. all i know is that bottle of rum in the common room is looking awfully friendly. shit. at least i got into all of my classes for next semester, hopefully it'll be less stressful, so i can take this projection job. man ive just got shut up and get to work. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2005|11:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | beatles- magical mystery tour | ] |
shoulda gotten up earlier today. meh. the rooms still reeks of Fabuloso! laura left for the weekend, but not before coating the room with an undiluted concentrated cleaning agent. i think the fumes have begun to alter my consciousness, but hey, maybe i need it. im just surprised her hands havent fallen off yet.
got a fair bit of sleep today, got up 10:30, went to breakfast/lunch, lost my appetite, survived another exhilerating child development lecture, then took off for sexfest shopping. god, child dev is becoming unbearable. during one of his brief periods of consciousness, brian remarked: this is death. fuck that, death is sweet release, this is hell, why else is it so hot?
managed to get all the food for sexfest with a surplus. vox is starting to piss me off to no extent. im getting sick of hour long meetings with bitchy passive aggressive jerks. shut and lets get this done. and whats, next they tell me sab wont give us the cotton candy machine. we could easily get one if we bypassed the flaky rep we were dealing with and talked to jamie, but no. now, the vox girls now have a grunge and wont deal with sab. ok, no cotton candy, who gives a damn. but god no, we must have something. so now its my duty to call up the guys at CUFS whom i barely know and ask for the popcorn machine last minute. it was ok with them, and bam once i call rachel, and whoops theyve changed their mind, but dont i shouldnt tell CUFS we dont need it. so basically i feel like an ass in a group ive just joined. right, well thats my bitch fest. yes, its whiny, but ive been putting up with the shit for a month.
anyway, on a jollier note, went to the international gala, and it was a damn good time. the costumes and dancing were awesome. and the dance society did an awesome avante garde-ish dance to perfect circle. it was pretty crazy, the whole performance was sort about a loss of innocence and clinging to naivety, it all worked perfectly, and then all the comedian mc says, wow that songs sexy. what an ass. shut the fuck up. basically the guy was an ass, he did all these unfunny stereotypical jokes. at the international gala. at clark. slick. all in all was a really cool positive event, as much as i hate it, youve got to respect it. the whole campus showed, people were clapping and dancing in the aisles. and the lobbing death threats at the asshole comedian. and then happy clapping and dancing again. of course, as it against my nature to revel, what made me smile was constantly thinking that the event was so popular, were a fire to break out, we'd all die horrible panicked deaths. awwww. oh yeah and i groped megan and dani. status quo.
speaking of status quo, yeah, ive procrastinated and will be working my ass off for the next few days. ah good times. and for this reason, its gonna be an early friday, but first......i should jump on laura's bed! im out
ps forgot to mention, someone has managed to kick in the sheetrock in my stairwell three consecutive times. i left a "firmly worded" note. expecting to be called a whiny bitch or something, i was pretty boosted when others wrote their agreement and the maintenance workers left it up. and then someone ripped down the note.....and kicked another hole in the wall. so much for my iota of faith in people....... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2005|10:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | garden state (god ive become the whiny hipster i loathe!) | ] |
rrrrrr.....headache........hour and a half VOX meeting will do that. i really could be doing work about now, bah! i am an obviously incapable of learning my lesson. in more important concerns, my memory card is fragged and i lost all the songs we unlocked in ddr! curses! drat and double drat! but its all good, all the more exercise. and god knows i need some, im thinking those chest pains were a bit more than just stress. certainly cant be correlated with the soul food, omelets and bacon i ate this weekend. much like every weekend. but i wont diet. death first. id rather my life be short and happy than slightly less short and full of denial and restraint. still, as i lay in bed for three hours waiting for sleep, i decided last night i need to comfortable riding my bike again and ride it to work. cant let one accident shake me for life. as for highway stuff...well, one vehicle at a time. speaking of summer work stuff. i dont really know whats gonna happen. my moms quitting summer school and supposed amanda and i will split her old responsibilities. i hope we'll split her pay too. nah, more like amanda will get promoted to my moms job and ill do both of our old jobs. eh, i cant complain about nepotism, its what got me the job in the first place. the thing is, if annie leaves/gets phased out next year, how the hell will amanda get our jobs back? god i need that job. not that id miss getting up at 6 to go my high school, you know, cuz i miss it so, but still, its good pay and a job with a chair. well, with my new projection skills, i could always work at showcase mwhahahahaha.....god i suppose thats not really funny for a lot of reasons. well im gonna make it an early night. showa, mindless cartoons and bed. im out |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2005|03:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the sounds of silence- am i listening to music or not? | ] |
1 book. 2 papers. 21 pages. 16 hours.....
time now for the sleep of the victorious |
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| ouch |
[Apr. 3rd, 2005|12:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | perfect circle | ] |
i dont know if its the soul food, the overwhelming amount of christianized guilt, or the crushing stress, but my heart hurts. not in some mushy symbolic sort of way, but oh shit, am im having a having a heart attack. and right now my only concern is: i cant have a heart attack right now, i need to finish my papers. id ask my psych professor for an extention, but i dont think i can claim a panic attack when thats what im supposed to diagnosing in the case write up. maybe i can get bonus points for saying my problems are not iatrogenic and due to the diasthesis stress model. stress + jen's high cholesterol= freak out. well back to work, ive just got write lit review, edit it with megan, go to a 2 hour VOX meeting, and write a seven page case study. and then die. piece of cake. im out |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|02:25 pm] |
oh man, this was too great, it reminds this crazy female punk rocker who threw her used tampons at men who booed. thats hardcore |
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| worst. class. ever. |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|02:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | audioslave | ] |
whoa, what an annyoing child development class, but ill get to that. first things first. met with bamberg this morning. hes so crazy, i dont think he quite understands the concept that you generally wait til students get the course offerings BEFORE you advise them. well good thing someone told me about the glitch that gave me early access to the list, im so gonna take history of sexuality. bamberg said he'd recommendeven if i dont in. sweet. it was also pretty good, i thought hed give me a hard time about the history classes, but he seemed quite chill with the fact i only aspire to one psych class a semester. huzzah. we chatted a bit about child development and whiny students, and lo and behold, our child dev professor was out and the class turned into a "lets yell at the ta's who we never took advantage of to try compensate for our own shortcomings." dont get me wrong, i think the professors a bastard and the assignments need to be revised, but i dont whine to scrape up extra points. the assingment wasnt thoroughly discussed and i wrote a bad paper. no need to scream at the ta's. do better next time. pretty odd how pms can make me no nonsense rational bitch one minute and the next the thought of emergent literacy makes me cry. umm i mean..... i crush babies! well, ive got an immense amount of work this weekend. i should get on that. but perhaps some killer instinct first? megan could use a few minutes to get her stress out. im out |
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| what the hell is going on? |
[Mar. 29th, 2005|05:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the bens- bruised | ] |
back at school, and feeling kind of lost. i already wanna go back and cry to mom. pissed off my child development professor, got a c on my paper and she has dissed the class yet again. her review sheets and quizzes are poorly organized and her grading is ridiculously severe. mention any of this to her, and she basically tells us to shut the fuck up and stop being so whiny, and then takes away reviews altogether. thats productive. enough of this guff. couldnt get tickets for ben folds, which sucks but i probably shouldnt be spending that money anyway. my two hundred dollars must last me 'til may. good bye thai cha da, hello ramen. just conducted an hour long interview with the pastor of the unitarian church here. it was pretty interesting and cool, up until she sort of assailed me for being an uncommitted agnostic. the church does some pretty cool and it has an awesome history, but its a little more conservative and christian oriented, plus i dont want to spring the 15 bucks cabfare. but talking to this woman totally made me want to drop everything and major in philosophy and dick around in asia for a year. yeah, back to reality, and my research methods test. oh, rapture. im out
ps
"love just leaves you bruised
and ive got the scars to prove"
best. song. ever. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 23rd, 2005|05:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | radiohead | ] |
ah, the uplifting melodies of radiohead. as per usual, its half an hour to dinner, so i justify not doing any work...no point in starting now...cant focus anyway, smells like smoke and i have a headache from television. laura watched tome tv for like three hours, ive havent done that in so long ive sort of forgot how mind numbing it can be. this week has been pretty stressful, i sort of had to decide what the hell i was going to do with myself for the next two years, and by extention what the hell im doing with my life. (god this music has gotten too melancholy, time for some whimsy, i just "acquired" the amelie soundtrack) i basically had no plan and have proceeded to back myself into a shitty situation. apparently i cant minor in psych, so that would be half my college career done the shitter. so ive decided on continuing the psych major, while throwing in a history minor and womens studies concentration. itll require some shrewd course selection, and basically im throwing myself into some tough history classes, so itll be intersesting.... i hope im doing the right thing. ive spent the past year or so thinking about on how to do whats easiest, but i have to back on my feet. this should be fun. but for now, its feeding time. im out |
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| in the name of all that is holy, why am i awake right now |
[Mar. 15th, 2005|08:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | beatles- i am the walrus | ] |
oh yeah nothing like finishing your paper at 4 and then waking up inexplicitly at 8. good times. meanwhile, laura continues to sleep. bastard. who does she think she is. im anticipating a loooong day, shitty new methods class, child development and then the dreaded career services appointment, which will probably ensue as follows "so jen what to do want to do? i dunno? what to do want to talk about? i dunno? why did you schedule a meeting? parents. yeah im a mature and responsible young adult. well as the beatles say "its getting harder to be someone" im out |
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thundercunt's journal